New U2 Album

What is this all about? Read about the hypocrisy of the pop world's biggest tool here.

Best. eBay listing. Ever.

In case this great listing disappears, here's the text:

This is a max wicked sick BMX. It's a Reliance Boomerang and it's done heaps of maximum extreme stunts. I have mostly done stunts on this bike since forever. Once I did a boom gnarly stunt trick on it and a girl got pregnant just by watching my extremeness to the maxxxx. Some details about sickmax BMX: Comes with everything you see including: TOPS AS SUSPENSION REAR FORKS!! 2 x wheels 1 x seat I will even thrown my sick BMXing name for FREE - Wicked Styx. Has minor surface rust on handlebars and front forks (easily removed). More rust on rear forks (as shown in pics). Tyres hold air but are pretty old. Basically, it's an old BMX, but it's radness is still 100% in tact. Tricks I have done on this BMX: Endos - 234. Sick Wheelies - 687. Skids - 143,000. Bunny Hops - 2 (Bunny Hops are gay and my brother dared me to do them, which I did because I'm Rad to the power of Sick). Flipouts - 28. Basically if you buy this bike you will instantly become a member to every club that was ever invented, worldwide, because you will be awesome. Pick up from Richmond in Melbourne. Throw your hands in the air like you just don't mind.

Yarn Porn

Everyone has seen those hilariously awful photos from knitwear catalogs of years gone by with hideous, hideous jumpers and stockings and vests and other things which should never have been knitted. They are usually poorly posed and feature people of questionable attractiveness in settings that are either kitsch or have nothing to do with what they're wearing. This one however, takes the tasteless synthetic wool cake. Seriously - what is going on here? Are they swingers at a ski resort?! The guy about to go down on the marshmallow looks like he's enjoying it just a little too much. As does the guy who seems to be facilitating the marshfellatio - he seems overly eager to push these two together. Feel free to make up your own porn dialogue for this picture:

Ooh La La

So a friend of mine recently had a hissy fit while playing a game of Scrabble on Facebook with me and resigned from the game. His reason? I played a French word. I can't even remember what it was now. I'm sure it was purely innocent, and given that it is a computer game, it would have had to be in the dictionary for the program to accept it. In my defence, here are a list of French words used in English which are not obviously French: ('Obviously' being something like 'cul-de-sac'.)

Agent
Blond/Blonde
Critique
Cuisine
Gauche
Souvenir

Source: About.com

p.s. ridiculous stereotypes are funny.

When Too Much Pineapple Is Barely Enough - Part 4

This particular culinary abomination comes from the back of the book where it seems they were running out of ideas for half-decent pineapple based meals and have, in desperation, added it to recipes without thought or consequence. Pineapple and Italian food (even bad Italian food that uses tomato soup for the sauce) do not mix. Hawaiian Pizza does not count. It's just wrong.
The name of it is confusing as well. They've put 'tropical' at the end, almost like an afterthought. Would it not sound better as 'tropicale'? I also love the last little note at the end: (This dish could be served for family dinner). It could be. If you really hated your family.
If there's anyone out there brave enough to make and eat this, I would love to hear what you thought of it. Pictures of your vomit will not be welcomed.

SPAGHETTI WITH MEAT SAUCE TROPICAL
15 oz. can GOLDEN CIRCLE Pineapple Pieces, I lb. thin spaghetti, I lb. topside mince, I small can tomato soup, I clove garlic, 2 onions, 8 oz. finely grated cheese, I tablespoon butter. Drain pineapple. Cook and drain spaghetti. Melt butter in pan and fry chopped onions and garlic. Add topside mince and cook. Add undiluted tomato soup and cook until evenly blended. Add pineapple pieces, reserving a few to garnish. Arrange alternate layers of spaghetti, cheese and savoury mince on large heated platter. Garnish· with pineapple pieces, green peas or parsley. (This dish could be served for family dinner).

More New Shirts!

Mona Lisa Dots:
Rochester, N.Y.

Heh

A very funny belated birthday card my friend Emily sent the other day:

Getting In Touch With Your Inner Child

Some people think it's important to get in touch with the child within. I myself sometimes think it would be nice wear a Spiderman suit around the shops without fear of ridicule, or to jump into a public fountain on a hot day and have everyone think it's cute. There are times, however where one really should act like an adult:

Literally Stupid

So Naomi Watts "literally lost half her brain" (Sunday Herald 15.02.09) Really? Did she look under the couch? I often lose things there.
Okay people, forget all the apologists out there who believe that literally is an auto-antonym and is fine to use as a hyperbole, literally literally means in a literal sense or manner : actually literally> literally insane>. If you literally lost half your brain, half your brain would be missing. Or to be more accurate, you would have no idea where half your brain was. I really don't care if Mark Twain and F. Scott Fitzgerald used literally metaphorically, it sounds bloody stupid. Can we all just please stop it now. You sound like an idiot. Literally.
It does beg the question however, how would an actor know if they lost half their brain? Would it really impact their life? Especially as recent scientific study has determined that an actor's brain works something like this:

New Shirts

Some good people at RedBubble have created an account called Phoenix Appeal where many various people have donated their artworks in order to raise money for the victims of the recent Victorian bushfires. I have created three shirts for this. Have a look now:


FlightWild Things AheadIn Defence Of The Bush

I Exist In Comics

This is one of the coolest things the things I've ever seen. Not only do I exist as an action figure, I am now in a comic, courtesy of my good friend Stewart McKenny. This is a panel from Superfriends #8 and shows me with my CCTV Government t-shirt (available now for sale at RedBubble!). Also in frame is Shayne Armstrong whom Stew and I went to uni with.

Gaga for Kaka

My name is Ross Robinson and I am an Arsenal fan.

According to AA, admitting you have a problem is half the battle. Not that I believe I really have a problem. Just because I have an Arsenal wallet, various articles of Arsenal-branded clothing and an Arsenal coffee mug doesn't mean I'm obsessed. Far from it. No, to be truly obsessed you need to tattoo the name of a player your team hasn't even bought yet onto your chest. It seems Manchester City fan Chris Atkinson was so excited about the possibility of Brazilliant footballer Ricardo Izecson dos Santos Leite (better known as Kaka) coming to play for his club that he had the word "Kaka" tattooed on his chest. Now, while I admire his devotion to his club, this is stupid for a number of reasons:
1. Players no longer play their whole careers with one club any more. Clubs might as well install revolving doors in the change rooms. Even if Man City had got Kaka who knows how many seasons he'd stay with them?
2. Imagine it's 20 years in the future. Nobody remembers a footballer named Kaka. Especially in Manchester. What you have on your chest for the rest of your life is a child's word for shit.
3. Tattoos hurt for f*cks sake.

A proud Chris Atkinson with his Kaka tattoo.

You Went To What School?

You're Still Reading?

Thanx to an impassioned plea by my good friend Sam, I have decided to keep The Road To Hell limping along a little while longer. However, I shall no longer even pretend that I am going to attempt regular updates. It will be when and if I feel like it. Just so as long as we're clear.

Thank you Sam. Also thanx to Nik and Em who actually left comments. The rest of you, I have provided a handy diagram below: