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Given that it's a recession and that everyone needs to look at ways to cut back on their spending, let me present to you a wonderful book by Matt Pagett called, "Make Your Own Sex Toys". Unfortunately, the 'look inside' option on Amazon isn't showing any of the finished pieces by Matt and the cover doesn't offer many clues either. A tape measure? A detergent bottle? A lump of something? The beardie weirdie with the cylinder isn't giving anything away either.
Mr Pagett sounds like an interesting man. Here are some titles of his other books:
"What Shat That? A Pocket Guide To Poop Identity"
"The Best Dance Moves In The World ... Ever! 100 New And Classic Moves And How To Bust Them"
Also interesting are the books Amazon lists as "Frequently Bought Together", i.e. books often bought at the same time people buy Matt's book:
"Shag Yourself Slim: The Most Enjoyable Way to Lose Weight" by Imah Goer
"The Little Book of Wanking: The Definitive Guide to Man's Ultimate Relief" by Dick Palmer
Inspired by Ted L Nancy's "Letters From A Nut" which is a collection of his bizarre correspondence to various organisations, businesses and institutions, I decided to try one of my own. I have used my nom de plume, "Myshkin Prince" to protect the innocent. Unfortunately there's been no response as yet, but I am going to resend it with another letter soon.
George Weston Foods Baking
Building A, Level 2
11 Talavera Road
North Ryde NSW 2113
25.02.2009
Dear George,
I hope you don’t mind me calling you George - having eaten so many of your Bagel House Bagels, I feel I know you intimately. Please forgive me if this is being too familiar.
I am a big fan of your Bagel House bagels. I usually eat them everyday. My favourites are plain and poppyseed. And sometimes blueberry. Things I like to put on my bagels are: honey, jam, vegemite but not marmalade. Never marmalade. Sometimes I use a knife to spread my condiment of choice and sometimes I use a spoon. Not very often however.
One thing I have noticed with your bagels is that even though they are pre-split, they are not always pre-split evenly. By that I mean that sometimes the top half is a different size to the bottom half. This does present problems when one has to share the bagel as somebody will end up with a smaller half. In the past I have fixed this by cutting the halves into half and then giving each person half of the big half and half of the small half, however the nice round shape of the bagel is ruined and instead I have to eat two c-shaped pieces which somewhat ruins the bagel-eating experience.
I realise that it is probably impossible to exactly pre-split your bagels every time and that my wishes for a perfect pre-split bagel world are probably just a pipe dream, however I thought I should bring the matter to your attention.
On a completely different matter, have you thought of making bagels without the holes in the middle? I realise that they would not look like a traditional bagel, however it would stop honey from running down the middle of the bagel. Perhaps you could call them honey bagels. Or bagel honeys. Have you thought about maybe selling bagel ‘holes’ in the same way that some doughnut makers sell doughnut holes? They could serve as mini snacks (imagine a bagel hole with smoked salmon and cream cheese! I am imagining one now!) or even appetisers. They could even be used to ‘plug’ an ordinary bagel in order to stop honey leaking out of the middle. Names you could use are: bagel holes; hole bagel; bagel Os; holy bagels. I would certainly buy them if they were in my local supermarket. Of course these new bagel holes would have to be pre-split evenly as well, otherwise the same problems will arise. Imagine serving uneven sized bagel holes hors d’oeuvres! I shudder to think.
Please reply to me if you can. I would like to hear your thoughts on bagels George. It would mean a great deal to me.
Kind regards,
Myshkin Prince
Given that spot reduction is a myth, all these things would do is make your crotch sweaty and stinky. Something which the two people in the picture seem quite pleased about.
On the day that everyone is just a little bit Irish, let me present this piece of engineering genius:
Given that it's a recession and that everyone needs to look at ways to cut back on their spending, let me present to you a wonderful book by Matt Pagett called, "Make Your Own Sex Toys". Unfortunately, the 'look inside' option on Amazon isn't showing any of the finished pieces by Matt and the cover doesn't offer many clues either. A tape measure? A detergent bottle? A lump of something? The beardie weirdie with the cylinder isn't giving anything away either.
