Not saying Twilight was a ripoff, but...

(Click to embiggen).
Please visit Joel Watson at www.hijinksensue.com

Literal Genius

For those too young to know, remember or care, music videos were a lot different in the 80s. Having progressed from shooting the band on video against a bright, white screen some companies created more complex narratives using traditional film-making techniques. To begin with, these were quite often literal translations of the lyrics of the song. (See Cold Chisel's Flame Trees). However they soon moved on to bizarre nonsensical visual ramblings quite possibly fuelled by the sheer amount of cocaine floating around at that time. Recently, some very clever people on the interweb have been retrofitting lyrics to these video clips and making literal genius. Enjoy this literal version of 'Total Eclipse Of The Heart':

Red Bull Gives You Heart Murmurs?

A New Zealand woman has given herself severe anxiety attacks, stomach cramping and a heart murmur by going on a diet where she consumed nothing but Red Bull for 8 months. Now I don't know about you, I get a little jittery after two Red Bulls, even when they have vodka in them. I can't imagine drinking them every day for 8 months.
Perhaps she got some of the special batch from Taiwan that had traces of cocaine....

(picture unrelated)

My Kind Of Dicktionary

I've just found this: "Seedy Songs and Rotten Rhymes - the poetry of the playground." Genius. Absolute genius. Who can forget great playgrounds songs such as:

Yellow matter custard,
Snot and bogey pie
All mixed together with a dead dog's eye
Snotty green jam - spread it on thick
Wash it all down with a cup of cold sick

and the immortal:

Shit bugger arsehole piss cock fart
Someone stole my horse and cart
Couldn't give a bugger
Gonna get another
Shit bugger arsehole piss cock fart.

If only Time Life could release a recorded boxed set of CDs...

One-Legged Fury

Heather "Batshit Crazy" Mills' ex-fiance has claimed living with Heather was "terrifying" and worse than the most savage thunderstorm. And he should know. He's just finished filming a documentary called Nature's Fury. Perhaps Sir Paul got off lightly with paying out £24.3 million to the self-deluded harpy. At least he escaped with his life.
Still, both are preferable to the Russian woman who blew off her boyfriend's penis with fireworks...

So Long Sol. Don't Come Back.

So former Telstra boss, Sol Trujillo is leaving Australia calling the country, "racist, backward and like stepping back in time". Now, granted Australia does have its problems with racism and our history with our indigenous people is quite shameful, but should someone point out:
- The number of indigenous Americans were reduced from 12 million in 1500 to barely 237,000 in 1900
- Americans had slaves. And half the country fought a war to keep them
- Segregation
- The Ku Klux Klan
- Rodney King
- There have been plans suggested to build a giant wall along the US/Mexican border

Perhaps Sol has been out of the US too long to realise what 'racist country' really means. Perhaps you can hand deliver your apology when you get another look at your own back yard mate. But for now, go home Yankee.

Mentioned in the Herald

I got a brief mention on page 20 of today's Sydney Morning Herald for one of my t-shirts taking the mickey out of our Nic:T-shirt is available here.